how do you know?

the-decoy-bride (Photo credit: Crazybananas)

So, I watched this movie last night called “The Decoy Bride” (don’t judge me, I was bored!) and surprisingly enough it was actually quite entertaining and funny. It was basically about this mega superstar and all she wanted to do was get married in private without any paparazzi. It was clear that the guy she was going to marry was completely wrong for her and vice versa but yet somehow I was still cheering for them to get married. Like what the hell is that? Could it be that even though sometimes we know that a certain person or situation or idea is going to be a complete an utter disaster yet we will still decide to fricken run full speed ahead like bolt of lightening (pun-intented) and dive in with our head, hearts and even our disillusioned minds unequivocally committed because we have this tiny ideal in our mind that says “maaaaaaybe it WILL work?”. The whole idea of having a conscience is to give us that little warning when sh*t starts to go sideways or PREVENT us from doing something that isn’t right or that we know we’ll regret in hindsight, right?? So if that’s the case, why the hell do we go so far out of our way to make sure we do everything but follow that little voice inside our heads?
Needless to say in the movie they didn’t end up marrying each other because they actually did end up listening to their small voices but what I want to point out is why bother continuing a relationship all the way down the aisle and even through a lifetime of marriage if you know somewhere inside your heart something isn’t right? Could it be because we’re stubborn and don’t want to give up and want to prove that little voice wrong? Or perhaps its because we know don’t really know how or if we can even do any better? Or is it because we’re so afraid of being alone we’d rather be handcuffed to a lifetime of roller coaster of emotions?

Even with all these answers my heart still leads me to believe that we [humans] have this innate ability to want to believe in something better. It’s the hope that keeps us pushing on; the hope that it’ll get better, that the situation will change without us having to. And while we know that, in many cases it is not yet we still hope. So how do you know? How do you know when a person is right for you or perhaps wrong for you? They say love is blind but I’d like to believe it really comes down to being ignorant, after all the definition of ignorance is the lack of knowledge, learning or information. If we play the ignorant card, we ignore that little voice and go to bed at night thinking “it’s not me it’s you” and be able to sleep soundly throughout the night.

Let me pose this question to you, have you ever stopped to think “maybe it’s me?”. Maybe the key to finding out how to know if they’re right or wrong for you is to really KNOW who you are. Your hopes, goals, dreams and aspirations. What you like, what you don’t. Your yes’ and your absolute no’s. If you don’t know these things and know them with your whole heart it becomes very easy to lose your identity and take on your partner’s in exchange for the feeling of belonging somewhere and to someone. Unfortunately, this never works. Ever. When you’re not a whole person how can you expect to make a wholly compatible relationship. A term I’ve coined (or maybe I like to think I’ve coined) is ‘two broken people can’t make a whole relationship’. Too often many of us make the mistake of thinking “I’ll just sweep that experience, hurt or mistake under the rug and deal with it later, hoping our circumstances or outcomes will change magically on their own. However more often than not those skeletons we try to hide come back full force to haunt us in the next “life” or relationship so to speak. Dealing with life’s little upsets as they come, allow us to learn what works and what doesn’t, what we want and what we don’t and best of all who we really are or are learning to become.

SO. Your homework: take some time to yourself to reflect, meditate, or do whatever the heck it is you need to do and try to figure out who you really are and I promise you by natural default one day you will, without a shadow of a doubt, really know who that other half is supposed to be.

A.