The Obsessive Compulsive Sushi Disorder

So this is day two in a row of ordering sushi for lunch. Lately I can’t seem to get enough.. It’s like a craving I can’t stop.. I’m convinced that my body is obviously lacking something. It’s either that or my stomach and ass are trying to tell me it’s had enough of the fast food cleanse and craving sushi is the only way it has a chance of getting some type of nourishment in me without making me feel like I’ve hit the salad bar and without making me gain a trillion pounds in weight. I mean let’s face it, have you ever seen a fat Japanese person? Come to think of it, I don’t even think they exist…

Anyways so I sit down and order my food and if anyone knows me, when I order food I usually have at least one type of modification (but it’s usually more). Now, before you go rolling your eyes at me thinking “oh she’s one of those, better get a pad of paper out customers” then stop it. First of all I used to be a server for a long as I remember, so I understand and have heard it ALL and second I’m allowed to have preferences damn it. At least my modifications make sense and don’t alter the item so much so that it changes from a chicken sandwich to chicken salad (Like I said I’ve heard it allllllllll before).

5 minutes pass and my food arrives and to my horror…………. I forgot one mod. And only the most important mod of all. I hate imitation crab. I hate the way it tastes, looks, feels, smells you name it. I hate it and of course I forget to ask for, yep you guessed it NO CRAB MEAT.
Well instead of complaining and sending it back (cause it was my fault and by the way it’s not usually a problem when you send something back, it’s when you’re a complete asshole about it that you suck. Us servers will usually bend over backwards to please our customers unless you’re an a-hole – then you deserve whatever shitty service you’re going to get from there on out.)

So this is when my OCD kicks in. I’m like “ahhh whatever, I’ll just pick it out. And because my OCD is in full force today, I have to make sure every damn sliver of crab is out. The result? See for yourself…..


As you can see above it would appear to any other I individual that I am in fact, crazy. Well, I will have you know that I am NOT crazy, I just have very specific preferences that enable me to feel very strongly about keeping my delicate internal happy meter in perfect balance at all times. This makes me a happy person, which in turn makes you a happy person and if you are a happy person then the world is made better just by enabling my OCD err, I mean specific preferences to be utilized. If the world is made better just by one person being happy because I am happy, then it’s all worth it… Isn’t it?

Moral of the story? Leave the poor OCD’ers of the world alone and let us continue to live out our preferences in peace.

– A.


when all is white with the world.


Saturday morning I woke up to find a huge dump of snow in my front yard and neighbourhood and although I was slightly disappointed (as I thought we were past all the snow this winter) I secretly thought to myself “ahhh – how lovely”. It is now Monday and it is still snowing and apart from driving in it and around all the other people – I’d be happy if it stayed.

Have you ever thought to yourself why it is that when it snows everything is so much more peaceful? Beautiful?Traffic doesn’t seem to have quite the same buzz, ditches don’t look so filthy and full of garbage and blankets, even the ones with holes seem to feel so much more cozy.

Yes. There’s something about winter that has the ability to transport you back to into a place of solace. A place where, if only for a moment, time can stand still. Where nothing really matters as much as it does and how the intricate snowflakes somehow hypnotize your mind to go to that happy place we so rarely seem to stay in.

What I’ve asked myself is maybe it’s not just winter. Maybe it’s not just the cold or deafening sounds. Maybe it’s the white factor. The colour white (which isn’t really a colour, it’s a shade) is universally represented as pure. Something clean, untouched, good, righteous, love and so on and so forth. If we take and substitute the snow as a form or purity that covers our surroundings, if only for a moment everything seems right with the world. If we blanket our misgivings, mistakes, un-satisfying jobs, negative bank accounts, broken relationships and our disease riddled bodies in the purest of pure, the whitest of whites what do we get? Peace. Purity in our minds and righteousness in our souls. Isaiah 1:18 makes it even more interesting by saying:

“Come now, let us settle the matter,” says the Lord. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool. (NIV version)

When God said this he was talking about his rebellious nation, the Israelites. Time and time again they served him and then rebuked him over and over again, for many years. All God was saying is that if they recognized him as their God and turned from their wicked ways He would reward them with many great things such as peace, love, acceptance, forgiveness, self-worth and so much more. His ultimate reward being eternal life in a world with no pain or suffering. And though it may not always be immediate we must remember that nothing in this world is, so why do sometimes think his rewards or answer to prayers should come in their time frame and not his? Everything does happen for a reason and if we get the chance to live long enough, we see it come full circle. Always. This makes me wonder though, if all it takes is my acceptance of God to eventually feel peace, purity and love (the blanket of white) then why wouldn’t I want it?

Lord knows I’m the farthest thing from perfect but he gives me strength and hope to keep working on it daily. And if only for a moment here and there – all can be white with the world.

– A.

Hello. My name is Happy.


I’ve been pondering a bit lately about what it really means to be happy… I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, money in the bank (not much but it will do for now) and I have food in my belly, literally. I actually just finished a snack but you know what I mean.. lol Anyways, although I have a few contract jobs on the go, I still don’t have the career that by now I had hoped I would have and it’s been gnawing on my mind for months now. So I’ve been exploring options of going back to school, starting my own business and even applying for jobs that are in the industry that I plan to be in, in the future. And with all of those bright and exciting possibilities occupying the forefront of my mind I can’t help but to listen to that small tick in the back of my mind that says “why can’t I just be happy regardless of where I’m at?”

Then it dawned on me. What if I really am happy and I just didn’t know it? So then, this pushed me to really dive into one of the most cliched questions of all time: What does it mean to be happy? DUHN DUHN DUHN!!! It sounds like a never ending vortex of unanswered questions but in actuality it can be answered in a matter of a few minutes and a few short words.

By actual definition, happy is:


[hap-ee] Show IPA

adjective, hap·pi·er, hap·pi·est.

1. delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing: to be happy to see a person.
2. characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy: a happy mood; a happy frame of mind.
3. favored by fortune; fortunate or lucky: a happy, fruitful land.
4. apt or felicitous, as actions, utterances, or ideas.
5. obsessed by or quick to use the item indicated (usually used in combination): a trigger-happy gangster. Everybody is gadget-happy these days.
1300–50; Middle English;  see hap1 , -y1

o·ver·hap·py, adjective
qua·si-hap·py, adjective

1. joyous, joyful, blithe, cheerful, merry, contented, gay, blissful, satisfied. 3. favorable, propitious; successful, prosperous. See fortunate. 4. appropriate, fitting, opportune, pertinent.

1. sad.
(…..annnnd yes, I copy and pasted from
       So the first thing, my friends, you have to ask yourself is not necessarily what does it mean to be happy but rather what makes you happy because by analyzing what makes you happy it allows you to understand the why. When you are able to really understand why something makes you happy then it becomes easier to identify the things that will help you achieve that happiness more often or identify the things that are preventing you from being happy. For myself, I have come to the realization that happiness is not a definition it is a state of mind. I’m sure you’ve all heard that one before and yep, I think there were at least one or two of you that just rolled your eyes at that statement but whether or not you believe it, it is still true. Remember watching those feed/sponsor the children commercials TV and seeing those children in Africa playing soccer with a half worn ball on the dirt ground with no shoes on their feet and wearing half dirty and torn clothes yet they seem happier than pigs in poop. Have you ever wondered why that is?

Well if we take what the dictionary says and add it to the soccer playing children in Africa scenario we get — (bear with me now) “The children in Africa are happy (delighted, joyful, pleased, glad, content, cheerful, favored by fortune) because they are playing soccer on a dirt ground with no shoes and half-worn/torn clothing.” It sounds ridiculous doesn’t it? But if you really think about it, it only sounds that way because we are too focused on the lack of shoes and worn down clothing. So, could it be that happiness really is a state of mind? If that is so, then happiness is subjective to ones own reality. Meaning, happiness is what you perceive it to be. Whether that means gardening, spending your last dollar on someone else, exercising, cooking (etc) makes you happy, it is unique to you and you alone. And if that is the case then why are we still so unhappy?

Oh what’s that? Well, I’m glad you asked. I will tell you why.

We are unhappy because we:

1. Spend all our time and efforts focusing on the things we don’t have or places we aren’t (i.e. money, vacations, shoes, your neighbors wife, that promotion and the list goes on and on and on.)

2. Let our happiness be defined by anyone and anything besides ourselves.

When we are finally able to let go of what our society deems as “happy” we might actually have a fighting chance of experiencing true happiness. When we stop translating how others view or experience their happiness into our lives then and only then can we truly be happy. Happiness is only relative to what YOU think it is. It is a subjective reality that everyone has in their own right. Your ideals, values, morals, standards and the very person that you are, are all ingredients to your happiness and when we take the “ingredients” of someone else and insert them into our own lives we end up with everything we never expected: disaster, regret, heartache and misery. And then we sit their all puzzled wondering what the heck happened and where it all went wrong. You wouldn’t see those children in Africa whining over the things they don’t have, sure that may be partial to the fact that they don’t know what their “missing” but what you have to know is that they have learned to weigh their happiness on a different scale than ours. A scale of simple pleasures and honest truths. Happiness is a choice no matter the situation, no matter the outcome. It means choosing the good over the bad. Learning to be okay with the uncontrollable factors in life and not allowing them to overcome or swallow you whole.

The point that I’m getting at is if you are unhappy or realize you could be happier than you are then I’m asking that you take some time to reflect and take everything out of the equation. Forget that you don’t have your dream job, that Joe’s house is bigger than yours, that Susie Q goes on vacation anytime she feels “stressed”, that your brother’s car is faster or that your best friends wife is a sex pot compared to yours. Let go of society’s ideal of what it really means to be “happy”. Forget it all. Boil it down to what makes YOU happy, not what other people (or society) deem as happy for themselves. Make a list of all the things but in more particular, the moments that make YOU happy . When you categorize things into moments, it’s much easier to figure out what makes you happy and why. Then when you think about the time that you went boating on Joe Schmoes new hydraplane jet/skit boat thing-a-magigy 9000 that was supposed to be SOOOO awesome but wasn’t because he’s a shallow tarty douche, you’ll remember that boating on your best friends rubber dingy made you happier because of the company and not because of the boat that you don’t have. Choosing to have this mentality will make us more grateful, thankful and content with the things we do have. It will help us to live in and appreciate the moment and not get stuck in a world that we may never live in.

So, the next time someone asks for your name you say “I am Happy” annnnnnd then you tell them that your parents were hippies and they were high when they named you. HA. nah I’m just kidding… We are what we think and what we think is what we believe and what we believe is who we are. Therefore choosing to be happy is much more crucial to our very core than we may understand and today I realize that by my own standards I really am happy. Are you? If not then you need to find out what makes you happy and then as Nike says: JUST DO IT.

“If you want to be happy, then be.”

– A.