autocorrect can kiss my black backside

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Ever since switching (back) to iPhone it’s safe to say that I’ve not been impressed with the autocorrect. Back when I was a blackberry user all seemed right with the world – I pushed a button and it gave me EXACTLY what I asked for. Blackberry even had a kind of autopilot too! Except it wasn’t so in your damn face and accused you of spelling absolutely everything incorrectly. It was more of a suggestive autocorrect, one that you could CHOOSE if you wanted to use it, instead of just automatically assuming it belonged there and then moved in. But now since going back to iPhone the rate at which I enjoy texting has seemed to rapidly decline to 0. It’s as if at one time I had a taste of caviar and now I’m back to being stuck with tadpole eggs.

Is my iPhone trying to tell me I suck at spelling or does it have a mind of it’s own? Like sure it learns your “style” of writing and remembers things you spell a certain way and all but what about the things that I want it to learn like – words some might deem inappropriate or err on the side of offensive (you know what I’m talking about). Never even mind those ones but if it claims to understand how to suggest words based on the context of what I’m saying then why does it still get it wrong?

For a phone that has pretty much changed the face of technology and how we see it – you my friend – suck at texting. Now provided the iPhone pretty much does everything a blackberry can do but better and even more than that whhhhhhhy does texting have to be the most frustrating thing about it? Now, you’re probably thinking “why doesn’t she just turn off the autocorrect?” Great question! I would but as it turns out texting without the autocorrect on is EVEN WORSE!! Shocking eh?! So now I’m stuck in between using a superior phone with an on screen keyboard that SUCKS or an inferior phone that rocks my texting universe. Did someone just say #firstworldproblems? Yea. I thought so. #*$&?@!”#%&@*%**#!?£%*!#&%#@!?$$&@!fffffuuudge!!!!!! Is there no one out there that shares in my antagonizing frustration?

Side note: If you’re one of my friends that texts me and I don’t reply right away or with very little wording it’s usually because A – I hate texting. B – I want to say more but refer back to reason A. Or C – I’m trying to get you to take a hint.

Now, believe it or not I used to actually enjoy texting and now it’s just another item in the bane-of-my-existence list. Like are my fingers just too fat? You say turn the phone to landscape – I say did that already. You say type slower – I say don’t have time for that. You say tough luck – I say yep, it sure looks that way doesn’t it? I think at this point complaining further is futile but all I’m saying is I’m so over the virtual keyboard. Or considering they are like leading the pack in handheld technology don’t you think they could come up with some telepathic texting app? So it can text what you’re thinking or what about a 3D keyboard that pops up and gives you 3 times the texting space. You’d probably look like a loser having to use a bigger board or you could look like a total BOSS with the coolest app in town! Either way, Apple still needs to bring back the buttons damn it!!

Another side note: Damn it – is actually two words, spelled with an N. It is NOT dammit or damnit it is D-A-M-N (space) I-T. Damn it. With the overwhelming percentage of illiterate folks that spell this incorrectly, I am sorry but I just had to say something.

Now, is that too much to ask?? Although… The upside of this is all the epic autocorrect fails – they are pretty awesome. Not gonna lie.

– A.

p.s. – Would you believe me if I told you I wrote this whole post with autocorrect as autopilot. Heaven help me – I need a drink…. lol

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Epic. Nail. Fail.

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Yea so as you can see above I decided to get a little crazy with my nail design. Since alllll the cool girls are doing it and it’s all the rage lately I thought it would be fun to paint my nails with a funky design and provided it was my first time, I think I did a half decent job n’est-ce pas??

And while I did an OK job, it definitely could have been better but heck, it was my first time so cut me some slack already! So at this point I’m like “hey not bad girl!” stroking my ego a bit and already thinking of ways I can make it better and use better products etc etc.. And then I look over I at my right hand……………………………….

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:/

My heart sinks and to much dismay I realize I’d forgotten to do my right hand. And then a double whammy! My dominant hand IS my right hand… Soooo that basically means that since my left hand looks somewhat decent, my right hand IF I do it will look like crap. No longer am I patting myself on the back but rather kicking myself in the ass for letting myself get ahead of myself and celebrate an “accomplishment” before it was actually accomplished. What a twat eh?!

Never- the-less next time around I’m thinking I’m going try using a nail PEN instead of polish. Yea that thought occurred to me AFTER I spent a solid hour doing my ONE hand…………

Despite the epic nail fail, I have learned something quite valuable… Don’t get too big for your britches. Ha.

– A.