Facebook is evil. Or I am. One of those.

I couldn’t agree more!

The Bloggess

Sometimes I want to write something innocuous on Facebook like “Puppy kisses are awesome!” so hundreds of people will click the “like” button, but then go back in and edit that post to say something like “I just made a blanket out of skinned kittens”.  And then I’d go into the comments and be like “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?  WHY WOULD YOU LIKE THIS?  This was a test and you failed.  Stop skinning kittens.

And then I’d write a new Facebook status saying that to clear my head I’d just made a bacon-wrapped mac & cheese burrito, and after getting a bunch of comments like “Sounds delish!  Share the recipe!” and “Now I’m starving.  I want one!” I’d go back and change that status to “Nothing smells better than a newborn baby”.

Then I’d probably have to stop using Facebook.  That might be for the best anyway.

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And now, the weekly wrap-up of…

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autocorrect can kiss my black backside

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Ever since switching (back) to iPhone it’s safe to say that I’ve not been impressed with the autocorrect. Back when I was a blackberry user all seemed right with the world – I pushed a button and it gave me EXACTLY what I asked for. Blackberry even had a kind of autopilot too! Except it wasn’t so in your damn face and accused you of spelling absolutely everything incorrectly. It was more of a suggestive autocorrect, one that you could CHOOSE if you wanted to use it, instead of just automatically assuming it belonged there and then moved in. But now since going back to iPhone the rate at which I enjoy texting has seemed to rapidly decline to 0. It’s as if at one time I had a taste of caviar and now I’m back to being stuck with tadpole eggs.

Is my iPhone trying to tell me I suck at spelling or does it have a mind of it’s own? Like sure it learns your “style” of writing and remembers things you spell a certain way and all but what about the things that I want it to learn like – words some might deem inappropriate or err on the side of offensive (you know what I’m talking about). Never even mind those ones but if it claims to understand how to suggest words based on the context of what I’m saying then why does it still get it wrong?

For a phone that has pretty much changed the face of technology and how we see it – you my friend – suck at texting. Now provided the iPhone pretty much does everything a blackberry can do but better and even more than that whhhhhhhy does texting have to be the most frustrating thing about it? Now, you’re probably thinking “why doesn’t she just turn off the autocorrect?” Great question! I would but as it turns out texting without the autocorrect on is EVEN WORSE!! Shocking eh?! So now I’m stuck in between using a superior phone with an on screen keyboard that SUCKS or an inferior phone that rocks my texting universe. Did someone just say #firstworldproblems? Yea. I thought so. #*$&?@!”#%&@*%**#!?£%*!#&%#@!?$$&@!fffffuuudge!!!!!! Is there no one out there that shares in my antagonizing frustration?

Side note: If you’re one of my friends that texts me and I don’t reply right away or with very little wording it’s usually because A – I hate texting. B – I want to say more but refer back to reason A. Or C – I’m trying to get you to take a hint.

Now, believe it or not I used to actually enjoy texting and now it’s just another item in the bane-of-my-existence list. Like are my fingers just too fat? You say turn the phone to landscape – I say did that already. You say type slower – I say don’t have time for that. You say tough luck – I say yep, it sure looks that way doesn’t it? I think at this point complaining further is futile but all I’m saying is I’m so over the virtual keyboard. Or considering they are like leading the pack in handheld technology don’t you think they could come up with some telepathic texting app? So it can text what you’re thinking or what about a 3D keyboard that pops up and gives you 3 times the texting space. You’d probably look like a loser having to use a bigger board or you could look like a total BOSS with the coolest app in town! Either way, Apple still needs to bring back the buttons damn it!!

Another side note: Damn it – is actually two words, spelled with an N. It is NOT dammit or damnit it is D-A-M-N (space) I-T. Damn it. With the overwhelming percentage of illiterate folks that spell this incorrectly, I am sorry but I just had to say something.

Now, is that too much to ask?? Although… The upside of this is all the epic autocorrect fails – they are pretty awesome. Not gonna lie.

– A.

p.s. – Would you believe me if I told you I wrote this whole post with autocorrect as autopilot. Heaven help me – I need a drink…. lol

Do YOU Lulu?

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Do YOU Lulu?

So I was surfing the net the other day and came across the latest addition in Facebook apps. Cosmopolitan has even gone as far as to describe it as “Sex and the City marries facebook”. With that being said, Lulu is the name and rating men is the game. This clever little app is for women only, it connects you to all your male friends and allows you to rate them anonymously.

And upon learning of this I had to check it out for myself. The verdict? It’s flipping hilarious! Although it’s a relatively new app and needs to gain more users the ratings are quite amusing. While checking out the ratings I did one of two things. I either gasped and threw my hand over my mouth in utter shock or I nearly choked from laughing so hard.

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With a variety of categories such as sex, humour, looks and more your answers give a rating out of 10. In addition to being anonymous, it keeps all activity off of Facebook allowing women to be brutally honest be it good or bad. The best part? After you’ve rated [him] you can choose from a number of pre-made hashtags to add to their profile without leaving too much of a personal opinion. The hashtags by the way, are fricken hilarious – #selfabsorbed #porneducated #50waysfromfuckedup #hotncold and of course the good ones like #opensdoors #loveshisfamily #sexualpanther #dudecancook and many more…
(notice how I place the sexualpanther in the good category *winks*) haha

Now, while this app is one-sided some may argue that it’s unfair and gives only a biased review there’s no doubt, that who ever said crackbook couldn’t get any more addicting was wrong. Rewind 8 years… Anyone remember Hot or Not?!

Anyways, this is going to open up a whole new facet to the dating world. I can see it now heads are going to roll.. Eventually the male version app will surface and before you know it people will be asking each other on dates and instead of saying yes or no the response will be “I don’t date hashtag mamasboys with hashtag hygenicallychallenged hashtag 6.5’s” or ” hashtag cantleavehousewithoutmakep hashtag daddyissues, hashtag golddigging 7.2, are you kidding me? No thanks”

So let me ask you a question, if you seen your brother or best friend on there would you rate them? Better yet, what about your best friends boyfriend? If it was an anonymous opinion would it really matter how honest you were? Would you even think twice? This gets me thinking about all the things people do when they think no one is watching or that they will get away with it. Any of my fellow readers out there caught a fellow driver picking their nose? Haha yea we’ve all seen it… Picking it like there’s no tomorrow.. Going for the gold… Olympic style! (ahh, I crack myself up sometimes) Getting all excited and shit when they finally get that booger they’ve been concentrating hard on grabbing for the last 1.5 minutes of their life. Yea we’ve ALL seen that before… annnd that’s 1.5 minutes of my life I can’t get back…

What I’m getting at is what is it in your life that you would do if no one was watching? If you were guaranteed to not get caught? Judging by the rapid rate of decline in humanities morality it’s highly likely that most people would do something relatively naughty like cheat on a spouse or partner or better yet rob a bank but this brings me to wonder.. If we are thinking about doing something we know we shouldn’t and it’s in the back of our minds, then is it not possible that our subconscious will someday eventually cause us to act out consciously? And if you’re not happy with someone or something in your life – this could one day turn out to be a scary thing. Never-the-less I think it’s safe to say that we need to make sure we’re in touch with our TRUE selves each and everyday. Not lying to one another about ourselves but more importantly not lying to OURSELVES. Being honest is always the best policy but it only works best if we practice it before we get to a place of no return. And if by chance you enter the point of no return then honesty is still the way to go because it’s the only thing that helps to mend the distrust that follows. Either way honesty helps build better relationships and prevent mistakes down the road.

Now provided that was a little heavy, this leads me to think, could Lulu be a way of helping people be more honest? Help people get a more accurate, real picture of each other? Or could this eventually make women distrust and hate men more than they already do (don’t even get me started on this one..) Well, there’s only one way to find out….

– A.